Always
by Miss Kisharoo
Summary: He followed direction. He cast the spells. He cast the doe. He shared his secrets. Severus Snape lived for her and died for her because she was always his beautiful – his perfect – Lily, even when he was no longer her Sev.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE**

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He watched as people, so cheerful, so delighted, walked about, their chit-chat idle. They speculated of the dress, of the vows, of Lily… Severus wondered how beautiful the dress would look on Lily, accentuated by her natural beauty. Then he'd feel something ice-cold clutch his heart as those people changed the subject, now laughing about, "I always knew that they'd get together! They're the perfect couple!"

Severus wanted to get out from behind that tree and yell in their faces. He wanted to scream about how James and Lily weren't perfect for each other – couldn't be perfect for each other – because _he _was perfect for her. She would be happy with him, would love him unconditionally, if he could just get Potter out of the picture…

But he wasn't a friend. He had no right to talk all because he'd spoken one word: _Mudblood_.

It all could have been different if he hadn't said that. Maybe, just maybe, Lily would have noticed that he was better, that he would love her more… He would love her unconditionally. He would admire the curves of her body until he remembered them even better than he already did. And she would love him unconditionally and never tease him about his hair or his pallid face… Maybe they would have a child, beautiful like her… He could see it all then and there.

He could be her Sev again, just like he had been so many years ago. He would be able to touch her skin, to properly breathe in the smell of her hair, to have full access to her.

For a split second Severus was holding a faceless woman who looked like her but was not her, doing just that. Her body was his wonderland and her lips were softer than anything, softer than a lily's petal. Pure passion flooded through his veins. His hand met her shoulder… it all felt so right…

And he stumbled straight into what he wished was her but was the tree. A crack came from his nose as it collided with dark, rough bark, so unlike Lily's faultless skin. The numbest pain that he'd ever felt zinged throughout him. A slight thud came as his wand fell from his grip.

Severus heard the people pause. Groping for his wand, blood dripping into his mouth, he prayed that he could get it quickly enough, then Disapparate…

"I think it's time to go in!" someone called excitedly.

There were shuffles and movement, people passing inches by him, but Severus took to the darkness just like the bat he was always perceived to be. He closed his eyes, the pain blinding, and slid down the tree, knowing that he had to do his job – his personal job. It wasn't selfish if it was for her…

A quick flick and his nose had healed. Another one and the blood drenching his front had disappeared. The momentary pain had been unimportant, only something to distract him – but he hadn't let it and he never would.

Quietly, Severus shifted his attention to the next tree. It was a better position, better to see her from, better to do his job from.

Gripping his wand tightly, he walked through the shadows, tactful and careful, his pointed face intent. He reached the destination, breathlessly delighted that his plans had not yet been thwarted.

Around him, the people chattered, blissfully unaware that this quaint outdoor wedding would be interrupted by a flash of green, unaware that a Death Eater was in their midst…

A Death Eater. He was a Death Eater, feared by all. Even now, Severus didn't know how it had happened. Always, he had wanted to be admired, maybe even feared, but he still couldn't figure out when – _how_ – evil came into the picture.

Maybe it wasn't just James. Maybe he was the problem…

_No. Lily won't care. Lily will forgive me… Lily will make it all better._

And somehow Severus contented himself with that thought, bizarre as it might be, and stared ahead, his wand glossy with sweat.

Then there was a jolt, a noise, and as he heard it a fiery dagger of fear seemed to ignite his body. If something went wrong now, all would be lost.

But it was only the music, which was a gentle serenade with a calm rise and a rhythm that reminded him of Lily. Yet it did little to soothe his broken heart, seeing the faceless replica in his mind.

It was so real yet so fake… so lovely yet so painful… so real yet so very _wrong_.

But he was distracted because an intake of breath and awe filled gasps were alerting Severus to what was next.

He had imagined everything about her before even seeing her clearly – the same red hair and the same green eyes plus a dress and a blissful smile – but imagining it hadn't prepared him.

She was breathtaking.

Long, red hair rolled down her back, accentuated by extra waves that she could do without. Atop her tresses rested a sparkling white veil, so plain yet so beautiful because it rested on her hair. She could have walked down the aisle in sweats and still be as beautiful – even more beautiful than he'd imagined.

As Lily passed him, so very close, Severus drank in the smell of her perfume and admired the way that the dress moved on her body. It was white and simple, with a diamond belt around the waist. Cascading down around her was lilies, falling magically from the sky. She gave a magnificent laugh as one fell over one eye, making her stumble in the slightest.

Severus smiled for the first time in months, maybe years – a thin smile unfit for him in all the ways it was fit for her.

Then she reached James – arrogant James – and they clasped hands. Severus's own hand tightened around his wand with purpose as he thought of when Lily's would be in it.

Severus pointed the wand towards James's back. He readied himself for the strike, for the two words that he'd have to say to have Lily forever… to see her radiant smile _every day_.

That thin, twisted smile widened.

"_Avada_—"

And he saw her face. Lily's eyes, filled with love. Lily's hands, rubbing against those of James. Lily's lips, brandished beautifully in a smile.

She looked so happy.

His wand lowered.

And he Disapparated and reappeared where they'd first met just in time to see two songbirds dancing in the sky, their love clear as they sang to one another…

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

A songbird fell to the ground, its partner's song lowering into a mournful echo.

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**AUTHOR NOTE: **I hope that you enjoyed this. It was just a bit of a drabble that turned into something much, much more. To make this clear, it isn't a one-shot but something that I hope to continue for a little while as I read through my favorite HP books again. Basically, I'll be going through pivotal things in Snape's perspective. I know that it sounds simple, but I hope to make it a lot more. Anywho, constructive criticism and reviews are very much appreciated. I hope to provide another chapter soon, as long as my muse doesn't disappear again. Thank you very much :)

**DISCLAIMER: **All characters in this fanfic (Severus Snape, Lily Evans/Potter, and James Potter) are copyrighted by the wonderful J.K. Rowling, without whom I wouldn't have a wonderful outlet for my need to write :)

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_"Mischief Managed"  
_~Kishy


	2. AN: Dearest Followers

Life is just a killer, isn't it? I'd know. Well, this is an author's note from your author (me). Life has just bit me in the rear yet again. Currently, I'm in a challenge that I need to finish (for myself) that won't be done until March 4th, 2014. It's a fanfiction challenge, and, paired with my life and other writings, it is going to make me _extremely _busy and stressed. Thus, I'm putting all fanfics on a hold. Well, not a hold, but on the backburner, and I'm telling you guys this because my updates will not be coming as quickly. That does not mean that I won't post until March 4th of next year. It simply means that my updates will come sluggishly until I finish my current projects, and I felt that I should tell you this. I apologize!

But when I come back, I hope to post two chapters to make it up to you all.

Thank you so much for waiting this long. Please stay with me until I can start posting like you ask!

- Kishy :)


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